hookups.

A study came out recently (from a sociologist at the U. of Iowa, no less!) that (so far as I understand it), had the following findings:

1. People who waited longer before having sex in a relationship (as opposed to hookups or having sex on the first date) typically report having more satisfying long-term relationships.

2. However, when you remove the people from the second group with "mismatched expectations" -- in other words, the people who seemed to expect only short-term relationships -- the two groups looked pretty much the same in terms of who had more satisfying long-term relationships.

This has been discussed extensively in the "blogosphere" (am I a tool for using that term), among other places here, here, and here, the last of which I actually felt compelled to comment on (unusual for me, because a general dislike of confrontation usually puts me firmly in the "lurker" camp.) We'll see if it goes through moderation. (The press release is here.

This is sort of a springboard for discussions of all kinds of things -- the sexual double standard, women's sexual liberation, etc. My thoughts on this are many, but I don't have the wits right now to organize them entirely.

First off, I am, gut-reaction, no-thinking-about-it, normally just repulsed by the idea of a "hookup," or "hooking up" with someone I barely know. I don't necessarily think it's something new, though the context has changed. Part of this is Christian upbringing -- God gave me this body. My body is a temple. Don't let some random-ass guy stick his dick in it. Part of it is fear. Actually, a lot of it is fear.

I'm scared of:
1. Being attacked, being raped, being hurt.
2. Being pressured into doing something I find humiliating, stupid, gross, or painful.
3. Being judged -- by my parents, or friends, or by someone I might want to date.

BUT MOST OF ALL.

I do not want to give ownership of any part of my person to someone I don't know and trust. Not ownership of my emotions, not ownership of knowledge of my body, and not an ownership of closeness or friendliness that is not merited.

This pretty much precludes hooking up, or indeed having sex with anyone I don't know really, really well.

Now you should go read another article, this one. It is called "My Sluthood, Myself." It is a very different, very well-articulated view on "hooking up."

I hope to return to this issue with more facts, more thoughts, more issues. I'm not sure how my personal opinions and experiences with hooking up (well, second-hand experience with hooking up) affect my opinions and feelings towards others, or how they should affect each other.

Mainly I just wanted to finally post something here, because I've been reading a lot and not really saying much. . .